Pre-Daddy Ditties

Today was Jooae’s 29th birthday (her real 29th birthday - Lucy you know what I am talking about - though she would still probably claim she is in her mid-twenties). Anyway, as is often our birthday custom, we went to Todai - a sushi, seafood, and Japanese-esque buffet joint - which gives a free meal on your birthday. It was a little rough for Jooae since the main thing she likes to get there is sushi, which, if you did not know, is strictly off limits to the pregnant ones. So she had to get other stuff. Now I think I have mentioned before that in normal circumstances Jooae can eat pretty well. I would say that in the past few weeks, her appetite has not only recovered from the horrors of summer ‘morning’ sickness, but shot up a few notches. She is not going crazy or anything, but I would say she is consistently complaining that she is stuffed after eating and thus bloated. So you can imagine it is even worse after a buffet. The following shows just how bad it was even after a few hours post-consumption, and I also just want to get this down in writing, and you all are my witnesses upon reading. Jooae stated the following at 10:33 PM PDT, and I quote, “I am never going to a buffet place again!” Ha, we will see how long that lasts. But seriously, men I am speaking to you here. Though tonight went just fine, I imagine that a pregnant woman at a buffet could be a very disagreeable experience. Just think about it a second. You know all those cravings she has? There they are laid out before her all at once right at her fingertips. It is more temptation than one single woman ought to have to bear. So, just don’t do it guys. Make her a nice supper at home instead. Just a thought.

So, I have lost count of our current week of pregnancy - perhaps it is the 24th? I haven’t posted the last two weeks because this is always the busiest time for work. But the baby grows on, so here we go:

Jooae is most definetly showing now, as seen in this photo:

This was one of the first times she has worn a more tight fitting shirt, so it’s funny to really see her sticking out for all the world to see. I thought we had told everyone she was pregnant but there are still some asking her (with some trepidation lest they be wrong) now that they see a distinctive bump.

We had another ultrasound because they could not see everything last time (translation - more very expensive photos). The fun thing (that makes the cost worth it) was we saw Baby P’s nose and lips. They were extremely cute, though we are not sure where the nose came from since it didn’t look like either of ours - perhaps it is still growing. Here is a picture of Baby P’s footprint.

From the ultrasound we learned, through some kind of mathmatical formula, that Baby P is now 1 pound and 1 ounce. Whoo hoo, over the 1 pound mark. Only 239 more to go to be a linebacker (whether a boy or girl - there is female football now).

I know your first question right away. What in the world does the greatest university and football team have to do with pregnancy and an expectant fathers preparation for the arrival of his baby? Your thinking it and you know it. Well, in fact, it has everything to do with it. First of all, football season has started, which is worthy of its own comment no matter what. This is the time to renew the primeval connection with your gladiators of choice, which for me is the Buckeyes at the college level and the Redskins in the pros. Now, you may not know this, but these connections are indeed hereditary in nature. However, they also need a little push less something happens latter in life to sever the connection. This is where the pregnancy part comes in. You see, to really build an Ohio State fan, you have to start in utero. The ‘encouragement’, begins here. It doesn’t matter whether baby P is a boy or girl, I am all about equal opportunity brainwashing. Therefore the placement of any input about Buckeye football, TBDBITL, Carmen Ohio, and all things Ohio State must begin now, since THE BOOK tells us sensory input is now going on. Thus we can avoid a decision later in life to betray the Buckeyes in any way (the extreme of which would be to, gasp, be associated at all with Michigan).

On this note, we had our first lab test this weekend with the OSU vs. USC game. I had Jooae briefly orient her tummy to the receiver to catch the signals of the play-by-play. Of course I made sure Baby P was no where near when the sad ending came about. It is my hope by the time Baby P is of age, Ohio State will be able to beat a top 5 team again, so no use spoiling anything now. I have below a picture of the experiment in action. Go Bucks!

I have made many references to THE BOOK and feel it is deserving of it’s own little comment page here. As I mentioned before, THE BOOK refers to the pregnancy bible - What to Expect When You’re Expecting, penned by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel. Now, ever since telling folks that we are going to have a baby, after they ask us the standard questions, the next thing they due is recommend reading THE BOOK. I swear every pregnant woman in America must have read this book. Actually I should back up for a second. Every female who has been pregnant has recommended THE BOOK. I have not had a single guy even mention it. This leads to a few puzzling thoughts as to why this is: 1. guys don’t read (possible); 2. guys don’t care (maybe); 3. when they see THE BOOK they think it is a ‘Chick book’ (probably); or 4. they probably don’t even know their wives have THE BOOK (sadly probably the truth0. However, I think there is another reason. I think wives don’t let their husbands read THE BOOK so that they can keep the truth from them. Therefore they can make such statements as, “Honey, THE BOOK says I can eat whatever and whenever I want, so go to Dairy Queen and get me the Blizzard,” or “Sorry dear, THE BOOK says we should not be sexually intimate until 6 months after having the baby.” How do they pull this off, you might ask? Well, it’s simple, they just follow up by saying, “Don’t worry sweatie, I will let you know what THE BOOK says so you can concentrate on your football game - here are some buffalo wings.” Your being duped men! It is time to get off your duff and actually crack open THE BOOK.

THE BOOK Cliff Notes
Now because I am the kind of guy who likes to make your life easier, I can tell you a few things since I have read THE BOOK (not because I don’t trust what Jooae is telling me, I was just curious what this magical BOOK was all about). Most important for many of you is that you should know your wife is going through many changes. There are all these hormone things bouncing around. This means she may sometimes act a little loopy, or cry for no reason, or even, dare I say, yell at you. This is all normal. Just do your best to listen and comfort your wife as much as you can. She is putting up with a lot after all. THE BOOK says a bunch of other stuff, but the second most important part for you is that yes, normal sexual relations are possible though with modification. As an incentive for you to read, THE BOOK actually gives some suggestions on how to keep the zing in your marriage in this department. Oh yeah, THE BOOK also says some stuff about your baby’s growth. There that is the guy-ified short version of THE BOOK. Now go and actually read it!

I must also say a few things to the women out there regarding your hearty recommendation of THE BOOK. Again, overall I think it is a great resource and everything, but it is NOT WRITTEN BY A DOCTOR! There, I said it. I hope I don’t burst any bubbles. I am sure the authors are very wise and all, but it is shocking that they don’t have at least one OBGYN as a co-author. So reader beware. The other thing is that THE BOOK has a tendency to throw expectant mothers who are already worried about every little thing when it comes to pregnancy in to orbital levels of anxiety because it tends to harp on everything that could go wrong. So if you are prone to worry, perhaps just skim those parts. ‘Nuff said.

Sorry I am a few days late with the update - Labor Day weekend and all. Speaking of which, I was away for the weekend taking international students to Redwood National Park. some exciting things happened while I was gone. When i came home, Jooae had made dinner. Now 4-5 months ago this would have been no big deal (although I do like her cooking). But since this hasn’t happened in many a moon, it was extra special. Even more, she cleaned the whole house! Again, you might be thinking that I sound like some husband who wants his wife to do all the cooking and cleaning. Au contraire. I like to do those things too, it’s just that Jooae doing them after so long tells me she is feeling a little more normal now (other than obviously being pregnant). It was also a wonderful welcome home - I almost cried. Jooae’s back baby!

In baby news, Jooae is definitely feeling more movement activity. THE BOOK tells us that Baby P is around 7 inches and 11 ounces. The fruit sizing method is the length of a banana, though I imagine a fairly plump banana. A cool thing is that Baby P is taking in amniotic fluid now so can taste what Jooae eats. So now is the time to get hooked on kimchi and other spicy foods!

Okay, before we get started with the update, I really have got to say - where oh where did the summer go? I mean seriously, was this not the shortest summer ever? I can’t believe it is Sept. 1 already. What does this have to do with having a baby? Well, there is an interesting thing about time. I think it’s passing is purely relative to each person - this is the real theory of relativity. For example, while I felt that this summer went by in nothing flat, Jooae thought it crawled by agonizingly slow. this may have to do with the fact of struggling through every day like a champion while she had ‘morning’ sickness. At any rate, we now find ourselves HALF WAY THERE!!! This is both monumentally exciting and also, if I have to be honest, downright scary. In 20 weeks we will be welcoming this wonderfully cute package into our lives along with all the new things that brings. There is still so much to do to prepare and time is a ticking. So I was wondering if we get a halftime break? You know it’s football season and those guys get 15 minutes to figure out what they did wrong in the first half to beat the pants of the team in the second. Can we get a little break to get ready for the second half of pregnancy - you know like a week where Jooae can eat whatever she wants? I suppose it doesn’t work this way, but I am going to submit my request for a change in the rulebook.

Anyway, we are halfway there and as far as updates of the week go, Jooae is most definitely showing. we had one of those genetic blood test thing-a-majigs and everything is normal. In other good news, we went out on Sunday to HomeTown Buffet to eat hand-over-fist after my million calorie burning Hood to Coast race this weekend. Astonishingly Jooae ate pretty much just like normal Jooae. For those who don’t know, Jooae is pretty small, but boy can she pack away the food. of course she hasn’t been able to eat as normal since being pregnant, but this was the first glimmer of her old gastrointestinal abilities. I just went into the living room to retrieve THE BOOK and apparently Jooae has also begun pregnant exercises from some video she got at the library. that may have to be another topic…

In baby news, THE BOOK tells us that at 20 weeks, the baby is (using their food measurements) the size of a small cantaloupe. I prefer honeydew, but that is okay. The little one is clocking in at 6.5 inches and 10 ounces. THE BOOK also tells us, for some reason, that by this week the babies genitalia are fully formed including that if it is a girl, she now has 7 million premature eggs. This is pretty wild if you think about it. Just 5 months ago the baby was an egg and now she would be producing her own. Man, God is really amazing in his creative intricacies.

Okay, that is this weeks update. Halftime over, band back to the bleachers.

They are the words that few husbands, boyfriends, male friends, or really just any guy wants to hear: “Do I look fat (like I’ve gained weight, my belly’s bigger, etc.)?” It doesn’t matter what context it is in, inevitably it is a trap for the male species. You can train yourself like Ross in Friends to say “no” instantly, but to no avail - you will make a critical misstep in your words. Now this is the normal situation in life and I have adapted to it. But now my correct answer to this precarious pronouncement is all higgeldy-piggeldy. Why you ask? Well simply put, we are now at the place in pregnancy where Jooae is showing, sort-of. And herein lies the problem. You see, Jooae wants to be showing a little bit. Therefore when she asks me, “Is my belly getting bigger?” I literally am at a loss of what to say. If I go with the centuries male-bred answer of “no” then a sad little furrow flits across her face. That just crushes my heart. If I say yes, I would be plotting entirely new ground where great uncertainty exists as to what her response will be. Will she jump up ecstatically because she finally looks pregnant or will she give me a seering look that says, “You just called me fat!” What is a good husband to do? I pretty much have thrown caution to the wind and answered something like, “It seems your showing a bit but you just ate so maybe it’s that.” Yeah, I know, it’s the wimp way out, but I have to encourage her while at the same time preserve my life. The good thing is that in the last week or so, it is pretty evident that she is “officially” showing. Phew. But this brings another problem.

Now that she is showing and gaining some weight after losing it from ‘morning’ sickness, she is complaining of getting fat. I just look at her and excitedly state, “That’s great! that is how it is supposed to be!” I was a little surprised when she gave me THE LOOK 9guys you know what I am talking about). I mean, here I am excited she is finally eating and putting on weight and was (apparently foolishly) she would be feeling the same. I suppose I have still much to learn about the changing whims of a pregnant woman. that’s okay, i am a good student these days.

So I have discovered that the most common questions after we tell folks we are going to have a baby are:
#1 “When is the baby due?” (Answer: January 23rd)
#2 “What sex is the baby?” (Answer: ????????)

The first question is no problem at all (though the strange feeling that people can figure out the conception date - freaky). The second one has presented more of a problem. You see, as alluded to previously, we decided that we do not want to know the sex until the baby is born. It is a time honored tradition after all before all this new-fangled science gave us the chance to know well beforehand so that a nursery can properly be equipped. {And, just before I go on, I want to stand on a soapbox for a second. Why do boys need blue and girls pink? People keep saying we are going to have to get green and yellow “neutral” stuff. Well I say phooey! There are a whole Crayola box of colors out there. The baby doesn’t know what color they are wearing. What do they care? Off soapbox.} Therefore we will go with tradition, at least with the first, so our little bundle will surprise us when he/she pops out. People have been surprised by this decision and it seems the standard these days is to find out. But, we are the bucking convention kind of folk (which is weird since in this case bucking convention is following tradition) so a mystery it will remain. I will confess that when we were with the Ultrasound Man (is he a superhero, or an ad mascot like Mr. Clean?), it was really hard to look away when he was checking things down there. Part of me was itching to know, but I stayed true (and I had to cover Jooae’s eyes since she may be more susceptible to temptation - its one of the husband’s duties after all to protect his wife). We also had to make sure that the pictures he gave us this time give no indication since Jooae’s mom - an OBGYN - would be able to spot the sex right away. All this being said, below we present our updated pics of the baby. If you want to give your opinion of what sex the baby is, then comment away. Already we have people telling us for sure it is a boy or for sure a girl. I think at the moment the girl side is winning, so log your vote! And since we don’t know the sex, nor have we gotten into the naming stage, I am going to start calling the baby ‘Baby P’ (not a real rappers name; Chinese guys stop laughing - you know what I mean).

Okay we are now into week 19. Here is a short summary. Jooae is eating better and this weeks food is dumplings. She’s eating Korean, Chinese, steamed, fried, anything wrapped around a delicate flour wrapping. She also is less nauseous which is always a good thing. She thinks that maybe, just maybe she feels the baby kicking but is not sure. It is possible at this stage, according to THE BOOK, but many first time pregnant women cannot distinguish it from normal belly grumbling.

We had our big ultrasound to go over all the anatomy of the baby. This time we didn’t have quite as clear a screen to look at, but the baby is bigger so things are easier to see. The main point of the ultrasound is to check development of the important stuff - brain, heart, spine, etc. Jooae knew what we were looking at, but to me in felt invasive. I mean, I don’t even know the little guy/guyette yet and her we are peering all throughout his/her insides. I am sure years from now he will be resentful of this (did I just say ‘he’, oh woops - nah just kidding we are keeping it as a surprise). I guess everything looks okay, I just know he/she had the requisite number of fingers and toes. Still it is pretty cool to see our little one again and hear the hearbeat. So as far as baby growth goes, she (just balancing the use of pronouns here) is about the size of the palm of your hand. Way cool.

So, I have decided to include, amongst my little ‘observations’ of pregnancy from the man’s perspective, weekly updates of what is going on with Jooae and the baby - especially now that things are getting more interesting. Therefore every Monday will be a recap of the progression of the pregnancy. The first thing that must be said is a comment on how in the world they came up with this numbering system. For example, on Saturday we finished our 17th week, so do we say we are 18 weeks, in our 18th week, or have finished 17 weeks? Jooae and I have gone back and forth with this. This is not to even talk about months or trimesters. To be honest, it is a strange way to mark time. Basically you start from the date of the last menstrual period (sorry guys out there for mentioning the ‘p’ word) and then count off 40 weeks until the baby is due. Ha! It’s not nine months! I have been lied to all these years. Anyway, enough of my diatribe, here is the update:

At 18 weeks (in the 18th week, finished 17 - oh, whatever) Jooae is much improved as far as ‘morning’ sickness goes. She is occasionally nauseous (and what do you know, it is actually in the morning), but is eating much better (and gaining weight - see next post). We are in a post-pho-phase (see last post) and nothing else has exactly filled the craving gap (though bagels and cream cheese come close). Jooae actually bought some rubber gloves which may signal that she will return to the kitchen sometime soon (see New Deal on Dishes post), but the smell of the sink still keeps her at bay.

In baby growing news, according to What to Expect While Your Expecting (hereafter referred to as THE BOOK), the veritable bible for expectant moms and their clueless husbands (seriously I can’t tell you how many times people have recommended the book to us. We bowed to the pressure and bought it, and it has been quite helpful actually). Anyway, according to THE BOOK, our baby is around 5.5 inches and 5 ounces, which, they say, is about the size of a chicken breast - for some reason they always link the baby’s size to a food item; it’s quite disturbing really. We may be able to start feeling kicks and the baby has fingerprints now (which is good to know in case it commits some in-utero crime).

Also something that is cool is that we are now in the 18-20 week zone to get the BIG ultrasound that checks everything about the baby. That will be next Monday, so stay tuned for those details.

This has been an update, please return to your regularly scheduled web browsing.